where do you get you inspiration from? where do you get your strength from? the hardest 4 weeks of my uni life is coming up... now it's time to grasp it well. and ace it... 

1234567891011121314151617181920212223242526272829303132333435363738394041424344454647484950

i had a quadruple.

have you?

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find

My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate

I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah

Vexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard this feeling
won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel righ

I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more

I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah

Sometimes vocabulary runs right through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Z
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard this feeling won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4

You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know

You can tell me to my face
You can tell me on the phone
Uh, You can write it in a letter, bab
'Cause I really need to know

You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe

哦……宁静的小村外
有一个笨小孩
出生在六零年代
十来岁到城市
不怕那太阳晒
努力在七零年代
发现呀 城市里朋友们不用去灌溉
花自然会开
哦……眼间那么快
这一个笨小孩
又到了八零年代
三十岁到头来
不算好也不坏
经过了九零年代
最无奈 他自己总是会慢人家一拍
没有钱在那口袋
哎哟 往着胸口拍一拍呀 勇敢站起来
不用心情太坏
哎哟 向着天空拜一拜呀 别想不开
老天自有安排

哦……他们说城市里
男不坏女不爱
怎么想也不明白
妈妈说真心爱
会爱得很精彩
结果我没有女孩
笨小孩 依然是坚强得像石头一块
只是晚上寂寞难耐
哎哟 往着胸口拍一拍呀 勇敢站起来
不用心情太坏
哎哟 向着天空拜一拜呀 别想不开
老天自有安排
哎哟 往着胸口拍一拍呀 勇敢站起来
管它上山下海
哎哟 向着天空拜一拜呀 别想不开
老天自有安排
老天爱笨小孩

Jane asked me why so emo? cos i'm dumb. =)

飘雨的黄昏和陌生的街灯
有谁会在乎多我一个人
心中的苦闷又反复地沸腾
刺痛我一身的伤痕
漫漫的人生 最怕空余恨
我偏是痴心人
恨我真情难收 怨你真心难求
任随命运来捉弄
风它无情地走 泪却痴心地流
而我该何去何从

飘雨的黄昏和陌生的街灯
有谁会在乎多我一个人
心中的苦闷又反复地沸腾
刺痛我一身的伤痕
漫漫的人生 最怕空余恨
我偏是痴心人
恨我真情难收 怨你真心难求
任随命运来捉弄
风它无情地走 泪却痴心地流
而我该何去何从

恨我真情难收 怨你真心难求
任随命运来捉弄
风它无情地走 泪却痴心地流
而我该何去何从
恨我真情难收 怨你真心难求
任随命运来捉弄
风它无情地走 泪却痴心地流
而我该何去何从
而我该何去何从
而我该何去何从
而我该何去何从

raining day, sleeping day.

3 weeks of lecture in 2 days. sounds like a bad day.

Church sermon was on new man, new self.


Colossians 3: 1-17
Living as Those Made Alive in Christ
1 Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. 3 For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is your [a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. 6 Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. [b] 7 You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. 8 But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. 9 Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

interesting as it is, my mum looked at me and nudge me, as thought telling me to quit scolding vulgarities. hmmm...

people that know me... highly unlikely.....

oh well... see what happens. =)

sorry... i know i;ve blogged 3 times in the last 20 mins... not that i want to... just that i'm having REALLY super SUPER RaNdOm thoughts. which requires me to blog...

i lost my little bit of sanity left... spent 75moolahs at ruby just now... how depressing to end the day. oh well... i need a break from this evil cruel world. the one that has left me hanging...

thanks duracell-running-on-kinetic-energy bunny.

how do you kill pain?

kill yourself. =)

KNNBCCBPNPMJ
mix of hokkien + indian + malay.

dedicated to.... Head Loss and P2.20...

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes.
We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors; green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find dad staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?'

Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response, 'Got drunk
once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'

Step off a train, all alone at dawn
Back into the hole where I was born
Sun in the sky, never raised an eye to me

There's blood on the tracks, and they must be mine
Fool on the hill, and I feel fine
Don't look back, 'cause you know what you might see

Look into the wall of my mind's eye
I think I know, but I don't know why
Questions of the answers you might need

Comin' in a mess, going out in style
I ain't good lookin', but I'm someone's child
No one can give me the air that's mine to breathe

I met my maker, I made him cry
And on my shoulder, he asked me why
As people won't fly through the storm
I said listen up now, we don't even know you're born

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

I don't really care for what you believe
So open up your fist and you will receive
The thoughts and the words of every man you'll meet

Get up off the floor of the leaving line
No one's ever gonna ever ask you twice
Get all the fuss and bring it all home to me

I met my maker, I made him cry
And on my shoulder, he asked me why
As people won't fly through the storm
I said listen up now, we don't even know you're born

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

All my people right here, right now
D'you know what I mean? (yeah, yeah)

time has past through my life. but the thoughts and feelings remain fresh. the bleeding love i felt when i destroyed the one true thing we had. 3 years on. you've moved on. i've not forgiven myself. when i spoke to dayne at 2 am in the morning, on being a gentleman. i realised one thing. i'm not one.

will i ever move away from the one true love that set me free? i hope i do. i need to.

aishii says it;s a long time and she's moved on.
i say, what i did, isnt what one should do.

the complexity of the whole situation is that, i actually did love her that much. she had an abundance of energy and spare time to channel it to the relationship. i on the other hand, had the lack of time. serving the nation in an important aspect of the army, time wasnt a luxury.

the passing of time had filled the etch on my mind and soul with dust. but unfortunatly, as dusty as it is, time spent alone recreates memories.

the soul relives,
the mind rethinks,
the heart revives.

at the end of the whole 20 mins of thought, tears are a common sight. a grown man with tears isnt a pussy. it's a man in regret.

but i vow to myself, i will move, i will grow in my inabilities. and i will be a better man.

You have taught me the meaning of love, what love is about, what we should do when a problem comes heading our way. These life lessons, i've carried thru the past 3 years. and 3 years on, the etch you made... still is strong, deep in its roots.

at 4 am in the morning, i'm deep in thought. not because i miss her. because i cannot move on to grasp the present.

----

Better Man

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame

Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man

Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around

I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

As my soul heals the shame
I will grow old through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man

wasnt the best of movies. but the company was good... =) enjoyed... it;s been quite some time since i last saw you.. nth much has changed... less the fact that i have less to talk about... maybe time will improve the situation.. =)

till we meet again. =) good night

you wish you were dead.
you wish you were attached.
you wish you were sleeping.
you wish you were working.

you would have wished for anything... but to sit here and blog.

One day, our beloved Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King....

SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers.

Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the orange skin?
King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam.

Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: Oh, no. We just throw it away.
SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand.

SM was about to leave but then the King asked him...
King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it?
SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!!

And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore

One day, 4 babies were born at K.K. Hospital: a German, a Jewish, a Filipino and a Singaporean.

However, someone mixed up the babies by mistake, and the nurses couldn't differentiate between them.

However, the head sister had a bright idea. She lined the babies up in front of her and exclaimed, "Heil Hitler!"

At hearing this, the German baby raised his arm in a salute, while the Jewish baby soiled his diapers. In the meantime, the Singaporean baby turned to the Filipino baby and said, "Clean that up!"

One day Ramli was looking to buy a television. (Let's say he couldn't try Courts because he got banned for being unable to continue his installment payments a tad too often.) So he tried this neighbourhood department store that sold a wide range of electrical appliances. Not knowing that the store was prejudiced against Mats, he went in and looked around.

When he finally found what he was looking for, he went up to the sales assistant and asked, "Eh brudder, how much this TV, ah?"

The sales assistant gave him a disgusted look and proclaimed, "Get out of this store, we don't provide service to low-life mats. Fuck off!"

Ramli was very sad, but he was determined to get his TV. So, fortunately for him, he had this make-up artist friend who could do wonders. Ramli was thus disguised as a Chinese, and very well too. It was like a total transformation took place. Even his own mother couldn't recognise him.

So off he went, back to the store, this time just wandering around casually, taking his time until the Sales Assistant came up to him and said, "Good afternoon, sir, may I help you with anything?"

Ramli, in his most distinguished manner, replied, "Yes please, I would like to know, this televisen how much?"

The sales assistant squinted and stared at Ramli for a few seconds, then exclaimed," Look, you stupid cock, I told you once and I'm telling you again that we don't serve people like you so why don't you just fuck off and don't ever come back!"

Ramli was shocked that the salesperson was able to recognise him when even his own mother almost chased him away thinking he was a stranger.

"Eh! how you know I who? My disguise gerek what, how come you still know?" asked the shocked Ramli.

The sales assistant looked at him disgustedly and said," Because, you bodoh, that's a microwave oven."

Char siew pao had an arguement with meekia.
he warned meekia..: i'm going to get my pao brothers to humtam you!

off he went to gather his pao brothers, tausa pao and chicken pao.

on the way back to hamtam meekia..... they spotted maggi mee..

char siew pao instructed: pao bros... whack ar!

after the terrible whacking, char siew pao said... : dont think you perm your hair, you can siam from us!

=)

mu·tu·al -
1. Having the same relationship each to the other: mutual predators.
2. Directed and received by each toward the other; reciprocal: mutual respect.
3. Possessed in common: mutual interests.
4. Of, relating to, or in the form of mutual insurance.

life is sometimes filled with mutuality. be it when you are in love and the feelings are reciprocated. or when you are friends with the opposite sex and that's how the friendship stay, as friends.

Love

when the love between a couple starts to break down. there will be many many many( and i mean many) reasons to it. but through all these reasons (or excuses), there are only a genuine few which cannot be dealth with.

the saying goes, it takes 2 hands to clap. And so when the 2 hands starts clapping, everything will be blissful, wonderful and amazing. the passion burning deep inside each other. the love growing ever deeper. the feelings in overdrive. most people will call this the honeymoon period. it's when everything is like honey and you are over the moon.

but what happens when the feelings stop growing? does the honeymoon period end? or does the love end? or is this a start of the downfill battle of maintaining a relationship?

So many questions. People with so many different answers.

Well at least to me.. the honeymoon is when you learn more about each other, the time that you share will be exceptionally sweet, everything will be perfect. who knows, maybe share the 1st kiss of the relationship?

when the honeymoon ends, it's not the end of the world. but it's when reality sets in about the relationship. reality of the relationship= where is it heading, what level are you taking it to, minor misundertandings over trivial issues, and at this age = meeting the parents.

in time. if the reality of the relationship is not tackled properly, the passion starts to die down. the feelings start to fade. that;s when the mutuality will approach 0.

maybe one half is still trying his/her best to keep it moving. but due to the mutality issue... things start to fail. misunderstandings become arguements. the couple goes to bed(as in to sleep) sad. things are not getting better. only worse.

so what happens now?

Patience will see the better part of the whole situation. thus when you are patient, sit down and talk thru the issues. maintain a good and productive conversation/discussion.

If the mutuality part doenst improve, walking away from the relationship and keeping the memories as happy ones will be more important than wanting to fill the void should the relationship end. The 'habit' of keeping someone by your side will have to break.

When the communication stops, so does everything else.

the eyes can see what the heart cant. the heart can fell what the eyes cant.

Thus the bottom line to a relationship has several parts. some of which are : trust, mutuality of feelings, understanding and most of all patience.

Love is a learning journey. We learn the most from loving. We learn the most from being loved.

to all the lovebirds, good luck on your journey.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

This sudden entry of love isnt because I'm in love or am out of it. it's some feelings which i felt over the past 2 days when i had the opportunity to help a couple that had just fallen out of love. and i now know the true meaning of mutual friend. (thanks aishii)


to D and J, life will bring many opportunities. most importantly is how you apprehend them and make the best of it. hope things will get better in your own lives. =)

wanted to embed the video. but couldnt. so yes... enjoy.

good day mates

i got 93/100.

good shit mervyn... good SHIT!

if only today's news headlines read: "NTU student stabs professor then proceeds to the rooftop to have a smoke. "

i'm pretty sure my handphone will be ringing not stop, people asking if i was the one who did it.. wahaha

Anyways, the 'shocking' news was that some dude in NTU-EEE stabbed his FYP supervisor. Unfortunately for him, he committed suicide for nothing cause the professor is still alive. So yes, Mr David, you've just been PUNKED!

BACK to the books!

Stay sane my friends... and as they say, dont let those nutcases get to you. make sure you get to them! but just dont kill them. =)

on a side note, i think the prof has a 'come-whack-me' face. haha